2004-08-02

Mass Delusions

• The Passion Of The Christ: Because the accounts provided the Bible were not colorful enough, producer Mel Gibson took the help of clairvoyants. These remote viewers provided Gibson with accounts that were theatrical enough for making a movie. Gullible Christians, the kind that helped Michael Drosnin laugh all the way to bank with his The Bible Code, have been flocking to theatres in droves and the film has broken many box office records.

• The War In Iraq: No need to explain this.
• The Da Vinci Code: This book has sold more than 7 million copies. The book claims that Jesus did not die on the cross and escaped to France.
• The Y2K Problem: We were told everything would come to a stop in the beginning of 2000. Printer manufacturers were selling DMPs (dot-matrix printers) that were supposed to be Y2K ready. I was waiting for law & order to break down so that I could indulge arson and looting. But nothing happened. The Japanese dutifully crashed a few systems and blamed it on Y2K, but everything else worked okay. The Y2K apocalypse was a dud. It just helped a lot of Indians obtain H1B visas and go to the U.S.
• The Second Coming: The original apocalypse is the oldest of all mass delusions. Before he died, Jesus promised that he would return in a short while. Because Jesus failed to show up for over one century, the author of the Book of Revelations (oldest book of the New Testament) decide to postpone the second coming to a safe distance away at 1000 A.D. Historians of this time, note no disturbance of the kind that would involve a second coming. Another 1000 years have passed away, still no sign of the savior. Many Christian zealots have been disfiguring our railway stations with God Is Coming grafitti but they are unaware that Bible has timed the second coming with the apocalypse (or the end of the world). All human beings (even Christians) will be killed when during the second coming. Only a select number of Jews (who some sort of genetic defect on their foreheads) are expected to survive the second coming.